The PipeDream Pump Worx cock pump and masturbator is a sex toy that seems to model itself on a games compendium – but for adults.

At the heart of this product is a cock pump, or as Pipedream call it a “Pump Worx Travel Trio Pump Set”. You can take a breath now. It has an opening 3cm across (with a little elasticity taking it to about 4.5cm in use) and is just over 20cm long. It’s in fact 6cm in diameter at its widest point, not 8cm as stated on the box. On its own it’s a very useable and solid cock pump, the suction being provided by a bulb pump rather than the rather more industrial pistol grip pumps on some more expensive cock pumps. It’s pretty easy to clean though the seal at the base of the cylinder seems to be bonded to it so it’s not possible to entirely disassemble it.

One criticism I would have of the cock pump is that it is a very smoky plastic, verging on opaque so you can’t see your erect penis inside it easily at all. This is a little bizarre because you need to see how erect your cock is to be able to judge if more or less suction is applied and read the length against the graduations on the cylinder.

Using the cock pump on its own is very easy, a little lube to stop your skin grabbing on the seal and away you go. You can create a rock had erection in just a few seconds and the packaging indicates you should put on the cock ring to maintain it and increase the intensity of your ejaculation. Not for me I’m afraid. Although described as a “Mega Stretch Pleasure Ring” this is one of the tightest cock rings I’ve come across. It was tight when stretched around two fingers so there was no way I would try and garrotte my cock with it. If you do find that you like to wear a cock ring to maintain an erection you’ll probably have to buy one separately.

Not a huge problem because apart from the cock pump you would probably select this set because of three soft “Fanta Flesh” sleeves that slip over the opening of the cock pump to give the impression you are slipping your erection into a  mouth, vagina or ass. Each of these sleeves has a loop on top into which you can slip the powerful bullet vibe which comes with the kit. It’s powered by three LR44 batteries and controlled by an easy to use twist-base to give totally variable speed.

For those of you who haven’t encountered it before Fanta Flesh it’s a soft plastic isomer that’s designed to mimic the texture and density of human skin. It takes lubricant well – water based only! – and washes easily after use with soap and warm water.

I found it was just possible to use the sleeves but because the diameter of my cock is just less than that of the cylinder it was a tight fit, certainly not entirely a comfortable fit. Indeed I was only able to get my cock inside the sleeve and cylinder by attaining a full erection then lubing up and sucking myself inside the cylinder using the bulb pump.

Finally inside the Travel Trio I turned on the bullet vibrator – nothing, not a thing, the Fanta Flesh effectively absorbed the vibrations of the surprisingly powerful bullet making it pretty useless unless you rotate the cylinder so the vibrations contact your scrotum where it buzzes against your balls like a demented bee. Not entirely pleasant.

One thing that the blurb on the 31cm square and 8cm deep package does suggest is that you use the box this toy comes in as a “travel box” so you can “Enjoy every comfort of home while on the road”. I don’t know about you but I can’t see many travelling businessmen walking through a hotel reception or customs with this on full show, even if it does have a handy carrying handle.

Oh, and Pipedream do include a few other bits and pieces with this cock pump. Three tiny tubes, one containing lube, one of toy cleaner and finally a tube of “Mr Thick Dick Penis Enlarger Cream”. I used my own lube for the testing, cleaned everything with soap and water and as for the enlargement cream … really?